A wedding presence

Today, my firstborn - known to these pages as TheMadster - is getting married. The whole shebang has been delayed by a year for reasons you're all more than aware of, but I suspect the wait will be worth it. Now, I'm not one for parties at all these days, but I am willing to make an exception for this one.

By way of marking the occasion here, I'm offering up a few tunes for the happy couple. First up, one for the bride, who as you may know, is a big Frank Turner fan. I will be walking her down the aisle to this:

Her groom - who is known in these parts as TheEmster - is into EDM. Never mind, eh. His favourite track of all time is this one:

For my part, I've delved into the archives. I was working in Our Price when Goodbye Mr Mackenzie released their second album 'Hammer And Tongs'. I remember we were all mildly amused by it's front cover. One of its singles was this track. The video features Big John Duncan as a priest and Shirley Manson as a bride. What's not to like?

And finally, as if the point needs proving that there's always a Half Man Half Biscuit song for every occasion, here's the four lads from The Wirral and a song from their 2003 mini-album 'Saucy Haulage Ballads'. It references 16th Century Renaissance composers, 18th Century British Prime Ministers, and, erm, a former Liverpool goalie. Typical HMHB, then...

To the Bride and Groom!

Best of 2018 #6

Final lot of my top album releases of the year, but there's still another post to come tomorrow.


Cabbage - 'Nihilistic Glamour Shots'




Half Man Half Biscuit - 'No One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin' Hedge Cut'




Slaves - 'Acts Of Fear And Love'

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #11 & #12

A double-bill this week. The series needs to end (for now) as I'm keen to do something else from next week, but it WILL be back at some point, so keep sending your contributions. This week you get another welcome contribution from Charity Chic, followed by my own choice. First up, here's CC:

A few years ago I attended a Fire Safety meeting with a number of colleagues from other parts of the organization who I was not familiar with.

The meeting started off seriously enough but soon descended into hilarity, something I suppose which should not be encouraged at meetings discussing such serious matters. The main source of hilarity seemed to be around the nominated fire wardens in the event of a fire alarm being required to put on high visibility jackets to identify themselves to colleagues and to the Fire Service.

Following the meeting, and in the spirit of the hilarity, I took in upon myself to forward my colleagues the lyrics to King Of Hi Vis. I got no responses. Clearly a step too far...

• King Of Hi Vis - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'CSI: Ambleside')

Thirty-plus years since their first record, Half Man Half Biscuit can still bring a smile to our faces, and even the occasional audible guffaw. They release a record every three years these days and their last album came out in 2014 so we're due one. My final choice is one of the band's more recent tunes, from 2011's '90 Bisodol (Crimond)'.

In Left Lyrics In The Practice Room, Nigel recites the words of "Chris from Future Doom", whose (supposedly) black metal band used the rehearsal space before the Biscuits.

  "'Cackling hag astride the broom
  What dread this upon the spume?'
  Hey Chris I understand your gloom
  But come on, rock up, you’re from Ilfracombe!"

Yeah, alright, so this tune edged it into the series based on its mention of a North Devon town (which at one time was nicknamed 'Little Liverpool' because of the peculiarly high number of Scousers who lived there!) But this song does illustrate the beauty of the Biscuits at their finest. Aside from the witty lyrics, there is actually a good tune in there. You probably will be humming this one. And where else will you find a song that nicks bits from Leadbelly and Black Sabbath? Answers on the back of a metal band's discarded lyrics...

• Left Lyrics In The Practice Room - Half Man Half Biscuit (from '90 Bisodol (Crimond)')

I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this series so far: JC, Walter, Webbie, Jez and CC. It has been fun. Let's do it again soon.

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #10

So there I was, looking at my schedule with the 10th and final instalment of this series all written up.  Then this dropped into my Inbox - a second contribution from the boy Webbie from Football And Music. Now I'm not going to pass up the offer of a free article, especially one penned by such an all round decent bloke and top blogger, so I decided to extend the series beyond my initial 10-part plan, especially as CC has also since contributed another piece as well.

So this week, not only do we get a very rare and obscure track by the Biscuits, but also the tale of one of Webbie's brushes with fame. Oh, he's such a name-dropper...

My next attempt to write about the genius of HMHB and one single track: the difficulty I’m sure that many other contributors have is selecting a Half Man Half Biscuit song that nobody else has chosen. I then decided to go for an (unreleased) Peel Session recording.

Let’s start with the title: Mars Ultras (You’ll Never Leave The Station) - a title which alludes to football but the tune isn’t about football or even contains any reference to that in the song. It goes on to name-drop some notable pop stars from the 80’s/90’s with Dave Stewart (Tourists/Eurythmics), George O’Dowd (Boy George - Culture Club), “the girl from Deacon Blue” (Lorraine McIntosh) and Sinitta.

(A crap celebrity spot for you - At the end of the 1980’s/beginning of the 90’s I found myself living and working in Henley-on-Thames.  Henley is well known for being the refuge for many in the light entertainment industry. It wasn’t a surprise to see Sandra Dickinson in Waitrose or Rodney Bewes in Pizza Express. But it was unexpected when spotting Dave Stewart in WH Smith. He was there with his Mam (I assumed, it was an older woman who accompanied him) and Mr Stewart went into the music department and bought himself the new Inspiral Carpets album on cassette. They must have been there for lunch, I then saw them drive off later in an open top car. Crap celeb spot finished, back to the song...)

I didn’t know of this HMHB tune at the time, otherwise I would have been singing it in my head.

  “Quick, run, hide
  Here comes Dave Stewart
  Walking up the drive
  With that look in his eye…”

I like how Nigel Blackwell goes on to wish Boy George all the best. Well actually…

  “George O’Dowd
  So glad you’re happy
  All fit and well
  After going through the hell
  Of being a pop star”

Nigel then throws in a side reference to George Formby (Oh Mr Woo), as well as a surrogate (Bill) Grundy. (I wonder who he had in mind?) and finishes the 2nd verse of the song with yet another name drop of Richard and Judy.

The ability to paint pictures with words is genius. Mr Blackwell does this with aplomb. At the end of the song as you will hear in the audio, John Peel wonders who was playing the power drill in the chorus. That’s right. A power drill. Genius.

I have to say, I also love Peely's Dave Stewart anecdote at the very end.

• Mars Ultras (You’ll Never Leave The Station) - Half Man Half Biscuit (unreleased Peel Session c. 1993)

The Genius of Half Man Half Biscuit #9

Here's the third and final offering from JC and one that gives us a different perspective of things regarding the pitfalls of cultural references.

An unexpected turn of events or circumstances many years later can bring a cringe factor to things.  This includes music. For instance, Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty most likely squirm at how they invited the now disgraced Gary Glitter to be such a big part of The Timelords #1 hit Doctorin' The Tardis back in 1988 (or maybe Bill, ever the maverick and controversialist, actually revels in it and will claim he knew all along that Glitter was a dodgy fuck and his involvement in this massive but novelty single was evidence that the music and wider entertainment industry will forgive anything as long as it makes money).

But I wonder what the more down-to-earth and all-round decent bloke Nigel Blackwell thinks of the fact that he once name-checked Rod Hull in a lyric.  Of all the possible candidates to be the subject matter of a song questioning why so many good people die tragically young while others continued to be annoying presences on our televison screens, he couldn't have selected anyone worse.

The reason being, in 1999, some 12 years after Rod Hull Is Alive - Why? was released on the band's second LP 'Back Again In The DHSS', Rod Hull died in a freak and ghastly domestic accident; having climbed onto the roof of his home in an effort to improve the reception from his television aerial (not, I hasten to add, for a show he himself was part of) , he slipped and crashed down through an adjoining greenhouse, succumbing to his horrific injuries en route to hospital.  For HMHB, that joke wasn't and really couldn't be funny anymore.

It's a real shame for it remains a highly relevant song  that was never solely about Rod Hull but more a commentary on the nature of fame. It's also incredibly prophetic in that its dig at the British Royal Family is via an attack on Sarah Ferguson, the wife of the then second-in-line to the throne, who just a few years later would become best known for being photographed topless while sucking the toes of an American businessman.

If the song had instead been dedicated to any of a number of 80s entertainers who many years later have been unveiled as taking advantage of their position and power to sexually exploit others, we would be looking rather differently today at Rod Hull Is Alive - Why? and listening to it with glee everytime it comes on. It certainly, unlike other HMHB songs from the era, is impossible to sing along to when you know the backstory. It remains however, my guilty pleasure.

Cheers JC. Yet another great piece.

• Rod Hull Is Alive - Why? - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Back Again In The DHSS')

The Genius of Half Man Half Biscuit #8

Walter has offered up another of his favourite Half Man Half Biscuit tunes this week. This one features on 2001's 'Editor's Recommendation' EP.

I decided to give New York Skiffle the chance to appear on your blog. Why this one? Because one of the reasons I love the Biscuits is how they play with different genres and their sarcastic humour. This song is based on a traditional by Lonnie Donegan. But Nigel Blackwell exchanges the chewing gum for heroin and tells a story about the weird, complacent and intellectual Warhol-scene. Brilliant verses like "Did you rob your brother's Giro" makes the Biscuits great.

Succinct but informative as always Walter. Good tune, too. Thanks mate.

• New York Skiffle - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Editor's Recommendation' EP)

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #7

JC's back with another of his choice HMHB tunes. This week, it's an early one...

As much as I fell under the spell of HMHB's 1985 debut LP 'Back In The DHSS' I had a fear that any follow-up would prove to be near- unlistenable. While the main attraction of the first set of songs had been the lyrical mix of satirical humour, pathos, biting social commentary and clever digs at popular culture, much of its appeal lay in its basic and true punk rock nature with the musicians sounding as if they had only first picked up their instruments on the day of recording. But in all honesty, there's only so much of that anyone's ears can truly take.

So it was a real surprise and joy to see the band on the telly one evening delivering a solid and professional performance of two brand new songs on Whistle Test on BBC 2 in May 1986. I've since learned, via t'internet, that this remains just one of two appearances HMHB has ever made on telly and so it was a privilege not just to see it but record it to a VHS tape which I still have in a box somewhere.

The new record, 'Trumpton Riots EP' was duly bought on 12" vinyl the next day; it cost me £2.79 from the Virgin Megastore in Glasgow (the price label is still on the sleeve). It was on Probe Plus Records but was given a one-off catalogue number - TRUMP 1. Honestly!

All four of its songs remain among my all-time favourite HMHB efforts; the EP was re-released later with a new cat no. of TRUMPX 1 with a fifth, equally brilliant song added. All of them I'm sure will be part of this fantastic series at some point - indeed some may have already featured by the time this is shared with you - but I'm homing in on Side B, Track 1 - 1966 And All That.

To a Scottish football fan, the title was a brilliant piss-take of so many commentators fixation on England's World Cup triumph - little did I know that it was in fact cleverly paying homage to a satirical history book called '1066 and All That' published back in the 1930s. Musically and lyrically, it's a wonderful pastiche of the creepy love songs in a folk style that I associate with the sixties:

  "We sat and decided as the seasons collided
 That our love was fairly utopian
 If it wasn’t for my pills, my psychiatric bills
 And your unreliable Fallopian"

while the chorus goes on to name-check some of that same era's finest cult footballers such as Lev Yashin and Ferenc Puskas. Utter genius.

Oh and the kicker for me nowadays? The spoken outro gives a passing mention to George Farm, a legendary goalkeeper for Blackpool FC in the 1950s, but who in later life had two spells as manager of my own team, Raith Rovers FC. I'll take any excuse to give the Rovers a mention in a blog post...

• 1966 And All That - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'The Trumpton Riots' EP)

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #6

Surely there cannot be anyone worth knowing who doesn't pop over to A History Of Dubious Taste at least once a week to participate in the marathon series that is The Chain? 'Tis perhaps one of the finest things to be found anywhere on t'internet. Half Man Half Biscuit seem to pop up quite frequently, which is not terribly surprising seeing as they've written songs about pretty much every facet of daily life.

Now, the proprietor of Dubious Taste is Jez, a chap who quite frankly deserves a medal for his mammoth efforts, if only because it gives self-indulgent nerds like me a chance to show off and smugly suggest obscure songs in The Chain's comments section. Anyway, back when I first asked for contributions to this series, Jez offered this piece which he had just run himself. He kindly agreed to allow me to lift it practically word for word - so here it is. Bear in mind, his original publication date coincided with the annual farce that is the Mercury Music Prize...

Originally published on A History Of Dubious Taste on 17 September 2016

Every year, around about this time, the Mercury Music Prize is awarded. As you will probably know by now, this year the prize was scooped (that’s what you do with prizes, you scoop them, apparently) by grime artist Skepta for his 'Konnichiwa' album. Almost immediately afterwards, social media was awash with people tripping over themselves to state that this is an artist and album they’ve been into for ages, how they they’ve been predicting he would win to anyone who cared to listen, the underlying, unspoken boast being how cool they are, how their finger is bang on the pulse of contemporary music. This generally happens every year (excluding the year M People won, of course) and in the past I’ve doubtless been guilty of it myself.

I think there’s a direct correlation between my waistline and my interest in appearing cool, by which I mean as the former has expanded so the latter has waned. By which I mean I’m at an age where being cool no longer interests me.  I have never knowingly heard anything by Skepta. I’ll probably check out the album to see what the fuss is about. Maybe. Sometime. When I get round to it.

But every year, around about this time, I’m reminded of a song by a band unlikely to ever get nominated for the Mercury Music Prize, not because they’re not very good (they’re actually nothing short of brilliant) but because they are viewed by many as a bit of a 'joke' band. The song I have in mind is Paintball’s Coming Home, specifically a version they performed on Andy Kershaw’s radio show which references both the award and the band’s slim-to-non-existent chances of winning it (Kershaw once described them as “the most authentic English folk group since The Clash”). The lyrics to this version are so different to the version which featured as the closing track on their 1997 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Road' album (which makes no mention of the award), that I thought I’d post both.

It seems every time I post a song by the mighty Half Man Half Biscuit I find myself reassessing what my favourite lyric by them is, and Paintball’s Coming Home is no exception, containing as it does a litany of reasons lead singer and songwriter Nigel Blackwell dislikes a couple he knows, set to the tune of He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands. Take your pick from:

  “They didn’t choose their cat, the cat chose them”
  “They go to one day cricket in fancy dress”
  “They made some real good friends on Henman Hill”
and, what for today, at least, is possibly my favourite lyric ever:
  “They buy soup in cartons, not in tins.”
 
Genius.

• Paintball’s Coming Home - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road')
• Paintball’s Coming Home [Andy Kershaw session] - Half Man Half Biscuit (officially unreleased)

Thanks Jez. And out of interest, did you ever get around to listening to that Skepta album?

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #5

This week, we are in the presence of greatness, the high priest of our music-blogging community. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Vinyl Villain himself - JC. All be upstanding please...

We don't have kids and therefore have no possibility of being an issue should myself and Mrs Villain ever decide to split up. But we both have friends who are in completely different situations and the custody of the kids has been, and in one particularly on-going and very messy situation still is, the most important thing to fight for in any divorce battle.  It can be vicious, disgusting to observe, heart-breaking and inhumane.

It clearly is no laughing matter. Far from it.

And yet....these particular lines, more than any other in the thirty-plus years that HMHB have been recording, made me laugh out loud more than any other:

   "I’m gonna feed our children non-organic food
   And with the money saved take ’em to the zoo."

Totnes Bickering Fair, is a divorce song, but not in any way similar to the heart-rending tune made famous by Tammy Wynette back in the 70s.  HMHB celebrate this particular permanent separation with great aplomb, offering us a joyous rant from a bloke to his now ex-wife. At long last, after lord knows how many years, he no longer has to suffer in silence living with someone whose entire being centres around the latest and costly fad into which the the entire family had been sucked whether they liked it or not.

There is unbridled joy in his voice and no longer is he worrying about political correctness, politeness or what anyone else thinks.  He's free to be like a Soup Dragon, via a Rolling Stone, and to do what he wants, any old time.

And you get the feeling that the kids will be 100% on dad's side. Let's go feed the lions...

• Totnes Bickering Fair - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'CSI: Ambleside')

JC will be back later in the series as he rattled off three of these in one evening. That, my friends, is why he is the guv'nor!

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #4

Back in the dim and distant past (2010-2012), I ran a blog called From Inside The Pod. Although music orientated, it was quite different to this one. One of the blog's earliest champions was Webbie, also known as the fella behind Football And Music, and the guy behind the annual internet John Peel Day. As you know, Webbie often drops by here and leaves some pearls of wisdom in the comments section.

Last year, he asked me to contribute to his place as Wales shocked the world by reaching the semi-finals of the Euros. It was a great honour for me. Well today, I return the favour as the great man himself tells us about his Half Man Half Biscuit epiphany. He calls it: "My initial disdain of the Biscuit."

Confession time now.  At first I did not like Half Man Half Biscuit. I used to listen to John Peel, but I was coming into that age when I was out all the time. Sometimes all night. Not drinking as such, just being a teenager and doing the teenage stuff. Ah the spirit (and energy) of youth.

As I said I heard some tunes on the John Peel show but I was half listening. With being that teenager there were many other distractions. I was dipping in and out of the John Peel shows (I’m very happy that the Peel Wikia exists now, thirty years later I’ve been able to catch up on much of what I missed).

I did see them listed in the independent charts in Record Mirror, but at that point I still really hadn’t listened to any of their songs. Or if I did I didn’t pay attention. I did think that it was a stupid name for a band. And what about these silly titles ? Nah not for me.

It was on The Chart Show, just beginning on Channel 4, that I first saw some videos for the singles from these indie bands. The pop artists you could easily see on Top Of The Pops, but the Chart Show showed us what Peel was playing. It was there you could see The Godfathers, The Fall and many others.

It was on one of these broadcasts that HMHB first showed up. It was just a brief clip of them and the video on the chart rundown, but it was enough to make me take notice. “Hang on, was that…?” It was at a time of no social media, no way of instantly looking it up to check. If you were taping the programme you could stop and rewind, but back then I had to wait for the repeat at some time or other in the morning to see that again.

I did finally get to actually listen and see that clip as it rolled past; this time I took notice, this time I heard. The very next day I went to my favourite record shop and because of their name, easily found Half Man Half Biscuit singing Dickie Davies Eyes.



An absolute stone-cold classic, we all know, but I love that it is the song that won over a sceptic's heart. I still think "Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium" is one of the very finest lyrics ever written. You may disagree, but you'd be wrong.

"You issued a very difficult challenge when asking to write about just one HMHB tune," Webbie confessed. "I might do another if that is OK." Mate, it's more than OK. In the meantime, here's your first choice.

• Dickie Davies Eyes - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Back Again In The DHSS')

Of course, some of you may not know of all the cultural references in this song. You're either not from the UK or far too young (or both). So here's a quick guide: 

Dickie Davies
Brian Moore
Michael Moorcock
Roger Dean
"A Romany bint in a field with her paints"

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #3

This week, a few words from one of my favourite Germans. Walter from A Few Good Times in My Life rose to the challenge of selecting his favourite HMHB song for us:
 

If it is hard enough to select 10 songs by them than it is almost impossible to choose one. But I try and say it will be With Goth On Our Side. It shows the genius of using words and it is held in an acoustic way.

Yep, genius - for that is what it is, as illustrated by this verse alone:

  "Now my overweight girlfriend, she sits and she crimps
  Her mother’s convinced she’s communing with imps
  Her brother’s alright though, he’s a good lad is Wilf
  ‘Cos he’s into Placebo and Cradle Of Filth."

For what it's worth, I used to know a guy who played in Cradle of Filth. Perhaps there's a Half Man Half Biscuit song in there as well... Danke, Walter.

• With Goth On Our Side - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Trouble Over Bridgwater')

I'm still open to offers! If you want to contribute a piece about your fave Half Man Half Biscuit track, drop me a line at the address over on the right of the page. Walter himself will be back later in the series...

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #2

OK, so it's time for a first here on Is This The Life? - our very first guest contributor! Yes, up to now I've penned every word you've read (or not!) on this site, but today, none other than Charity Chic offers his thoughts on his favourite Half Man Half Biscuit tune. It's a huge honour to have him here, and no doubt something of an honour for him too...

Nigel Blackwell National Treasure would be a great name for a Half Man Half Biscuit song. I’m sure that the Bard of Birkenhead could conjure up some trivia for a good few verses. For it’s the words as opposed to the music that make the Biscuits what they are and which leads to them being held in such high esteem. It’s not really the music or the voices that you visit them for but the lyrics.

"There’s a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets."
"I heard a lovely rumour that Bette Midler had a tumour."

A lovely mix of celebrity and  observations about the minutiae of life often with a bit of football thrown in – indeed a band who never used to play on dates that clashed with the home games of their beloved Tranmere Rovers.

My choice for this series is an oldie - Architecture, Morality Ted and Alice. Any song which begins with the lines "The wonderful dexterity of Hanu Mikkola / Makes me want to shake hands with the whole of Finland" has got to be worth a listen.

Long may they reign – they are the kings of Hi -Vis.

Quality as always from CC. Thanks mate.

• Architecture, Morality Ted and Alice - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'The Trumpton Riots' EP)

The Genius Of Half Man Half Biscuit #1

A little while back, I contributed yet another Imaginary Compilation to The (New) Vinyl Villain's staggeringly good ongoing series. It was my attempt at stringing together a kind of career retrospective of Half Man Half Biscuit in just 10 tracks. I had been thinking about putting a HMHB series together here for a while and took advantage of my third-party post to appeal for guest contributors to submit a piece about their favourite Biscuits song.

The response was less than lukewarm, but I have a few excellent ones to be getting on with. I'm kicking things off, then my contributors will follow. BUT... I still want more. If you have a fave Half Man Half Biscuit song and want to prattle on about it here, send me a few words (well, no more than 500 if poss) and I'll run it.

For part one, I've chosen a track that wasn't on my ICA but is one of my favourite recent songs by the band. In fact it appears on their most recent album. Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride is the story of a woman who took no risks, who lived a simple life with simple pleasures and absolutely no excitement. She died aged 101. As usual Nigel Blackwell's wry lyrics steal the show:

  She didn’t care for adrenaline sports
  Never learned any difficult chords
  Did she ever have a scrap with a bear?
  If she did, I wasn’t there
  And yesterday at a hundred and one
  She had a shower, cup of tea and a scone
  And just as Cash In The Attic came on
  Such sweet delight upon her face
  No armed response team stood outside
  No torso washed up on the tide
  It could not be more cut and dried
  Old age killed my teenage bride

But aside from the words, it's also one of my favourite Biscuits songs for the music. It's probably one of the band's loudest tracks since The Trumpton Riots came out nearly 30 years ago! Clearly old/middle age isn't killing Half Man Half Biscuit's ability to pen a decent tune. On the contrary, if Nigel was grumpy and cynical back in the 80s, just imagine how he must feel as a fellow in his 50s. Prime grumpy-old-man-aged. If that's not a source for great HMHB lyrics, I'm at a loss to imagine what is.

• Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'The Urge For Offal')

Memories of 2016 gigs #3

#3: Half Man Half Biscuit
The Tramshed, Cardiff - 14 May 2016

Sometime in the early 90s, I went to see James in Exeter. I went with a mate and his girlfriend. I'd sorted the tickets out and gave them theirs the day before. When we arrived at the venue, I realised something: I'd forgotten my ticket! As going home to get it and coming back would have taken at least two hours, I was forced to pay over the odds to a bastard tout in order to get in. Since that day, I've always checked, double-checked and triple-checked that I have the tickets before I leave home.

So MrsRobster and I left the house, drove to Cardiff to pick up our mate Colin and then onward to the venue. Just yards from the Tramshed, Colin jokingly quipped: "Now you have got the tickets, haven't you?" My stomach sank, MrsRobster let out a loud gasp, and a collective "Oh shit!" escaped our lips. Guess who'd left them on the dining table? Now, we were only half hour away from home, but a round trip of an hour would have probably made us late. But I had a brainwave. The tickets were print-at-home e-tickets delivered by email. We were just 10-15 minutes from work. A round trip of 25-30 minutes and we'd be back before the start. And so it was that the wonder of the internet saved the day. After a quick detour, a slight wrestle with a printer that decided it didn't want its weekend disturbed, and a huge sigh of relief, we were back at the Tramshed with time to spare.

I was happy as I really didn't want to miss Half Man Half Biscuit, a band I first got into at the age of 15 but had never seen live. A band who John Peel once described as "a national treasure" and who stated that when he died "I want them to be buried with me." Fortunately they weren't. HMHB appeared on stage to a rapturous reception from an audience who I have to say were among the most responsive I've encountered at a show for some time. Not bad considering the age of most of 'em.

For an hour and 45 minutes (which itself is impressive), we were slain by an onslaught of some of the boys from the Wirral's finest moments from their 30+ years career. I made a quick list of songs I remembered them playing the morning after the show. I got 17 without putting much thought to it. That would be more than you get at your average show, and I know I'm still way short of the mark.

Highlights were All I Want For Chirstmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit, Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride, We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune, Bob Wilson: Anchorman, For What Is Chatteris..., Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes - you know, this could take a while. Let's cut to the chase - the classics were aired: National Shite Day, Joy Division Oven Gloves, The Trumpton Riots, Time Flies By When You're The Driver Of A Train and Vatican Broadside. Nigel Blackwell blessed us with some great banter, and then, during the encore, the biggest surprise of the night - a full, proper rendition of Wales' favourite folk song Sosban Fach. In Welsh. Like, properly 'n' all. Cue mass singalong.

Us long-term fans loved it, of course, and there were plenty of us there. There was also a surprising number of people there under the age of 30! For a band that has deliberately done everything under the radar for so long, the fact they can still reach new audiences says a hell of a lot. The only downside had to be, once again, the sound at the Tramshed[1]. Too often Nigel's vocals were lost in the mix, coming over rather distorted and muddy. A shame, because as you know, without the lyrics and Nigel's droll delivery, Half Man Half Biscuit would probably have been a below-par indie band who would have broken up before the 90s began and long-forgotten.

But as it was, what did we learn from this splendid event? Well, five things actually:
  1) E-tickets are possibly the best idea ever;
  2) Nigel Blackwell speaks Welsh quite well;
  3) The public toilets at Bourton-on-the-Water are the cleanest in the UK (thanks Neil);
  4) The site of "some big stones" in Wiltshire that the band drove past on their way to Cardiff "will look quite nice when it's finished";
  5) And 99 per cent of gargoyles look like Bob Todd. But we knew that one already...

MrsRobster's verdict: She's not what you would call a fan, but has expressed amusement on occasion when I've been playing HMHB: "They were OK, but it [the vocals] just sounded like he was mumbling." Come on Tramshed, sort that sound out!


Soundtrack:
I'm deliberately avoiding the obvious ones here. If you don't know what they are, you're definitely in the wrong place...

• Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Urge For Offal')
• We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Achtung Bono')
• Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes - Half Man Half Biscuit (from 'Look Dad, No Tunes' EP)

And just for fun, here's a clip from back in the day (1986, in fact) from Whistle Test:

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[1] I refer you to my previous visit to the Tramshed in December [here].